Living Paradox

TEDxTripoli is here! WeOOo !

2012-01-21T11:50:00.000-08:00

For years I have been on and off following TED events and enjoying their recorded inspirational talks. Never passed my mind that I will live a day that I see an independently organized TED event held in my hometown city of Tripoli!

Yes, TED is here in Tripoli but unfortunately I am not "here" to attend their first conference. The positive side of the story is that merely knowing there is a TED event held in Tripoli gave me a tremendous feeling of confidence and reassurance. I know for sure now that there is great people behind the curtains working on making Libya move toward the right path.

If you are in Libya, DO NOT MISS THIS EVENT which will be held Feb13th 2012. To apply fill in here .

For more information about the event, you can follow updates at:

PS.: Navigate over the red colored words, they are clickable.

هَجَدْ ...

2012-01-19T02:28:00.000-08:00

اشتاقت الروح الجسد

بعد ساعات من مفارقته ...

حضرت ..

فلم تُنهر .. ولم تُهجر

استيقظ لها الوعي

يهدئ من روعها

وجاءت النفس تحاكيها

تنظر لعينيها

مملؤتين بالصمت

رجفان قلبها المتسارع محسوس بين الأضلع

ماذا رأيت ياهذه لتكوني هلعة هكذا

أجابتني بسكوت واجم

همست لها

هوني عليك ولاتهتمي

فقط اذكريه

فلا اطمئنان لقلب إلا بذكره

ولادفء إلا تحت غطاء رحمته

ومن أنس به لم يستوحش لشئ ولالأحد

تذكرتْ

فذَكرت

اصطحبتها برفق إلى النافذة

لنتأمل ليلا مظلماً متلألأ

تبثني شجونها الهادئة

وأفصح لها خواطري الضاجة

ُتَبسمت

فَضحكتْ

ظللت

أسامرها

وتناجيني

حتى ذهب عنها البأس

وتوارى السهاد

وأتى الهجع

من الثالثة حتى الخامسة صباحا

خَدشْ جُرَح ...

2012-01-06T18:59:00.000-08:00

تعثرت بها

وقعت

التفتت

رأتها

ضمادة قديمة

مهترئة
خانتها ذاكرتها

نزعتها بخفة وسرعة لترمي بها

...

حادا صاعقا انتشر ألم

تفتقت السماء والأرض

سال الأحمر القاني

...

كتمت صرخة

ابتلعت ريقا مالحا
لم تحملها ركبتاها

خرت ساجدة

استنجدت
...
رحماك ربي

...

Chasing the Sun !

2012-01-01T04:46:00.000-08:00

Chasing the sun

Yes, I have been chasing it throughout my day !

Have you ever wished that your day is longer than 24 hrs? Well, I do all the time, and my wish come true Dec 31st 2011 ... I lived a day that is literally 35 hours long , riding above the clouds, over the Atlantic, back to US, after a relaxing visit to home.

The Shy Sun

Whatever was the length of your day, it will always come to an end ... So be certain to enjoy the length when you have happy times , and remember that there is an end when you have hard ones.

Riding over the clouds

Whispering to the candle ...

2011-11-17T21:42:00.001-08:00

So many years.

So many laughs.

Too many tears

So many happy moments.

Too many heartbreaks.

Smiling faces passed by.

Frown faces set aside.

Real metals, polished and shined.

Fake one, rusted in the darkness.

Roads, long ones, scary at times, delightful at others.

Valleys crossed, houses sheltered a lonely stranger.

Hearts, big ones, embraced the fragile soul.

This was printed for you.

Thank you

ومضى الربيع ...

2011-10-06T20:43:00.000-07:00

Taken in Fairborn/Ohio ... Oct 4,2011

وكان الربيع جميلاً

ولم أكن هناك

وأتى الخريف واعداً بالألوان

ليصنعها في يومه ولايعد لغدٍ شيئا

ويترك عشاق الشكوى والتأوه يغنون

ٍغداة غدٍ يالهف نفسي على غد

إذا أدلجوا عني وخـُلِـّفت ثاويا

A Homeland ...

2011-09-16T23:50:00.000-07:00

A Homeland!

What this word means to you?

A place ?

A space ?

A lover ?

A Family ?

A Friend ?

A leader ?

A president ?

A language ?

A tribe ?

An ethnicity ?

An anthem ?

A song ?

A tune ?

A color ?

A flag ?

For me "NO" was the answer for all of the above.

Homeland to me was and will always be a sense of belonging, a sense of responsibility...

It didn't disappear when I left the place, the space, the family and friends. It didn't and will never disappear for whoever was at the chair of power a real leader or a devil tyrant. My job in this life will always be the same.

Did I have a homeland before Feb17 ? Of course I did. Do I still have it after Feb17? Of course I still. Did you ever liked the green flag ? Of course I did, I have always carried a green flag pin in my luggage sense I left Libya. I have never wore it. But I keep it there hiding some where. It is a sign to that sense of belonging, it was never a matter what color or shape was it, it was just a sign. Do I still carry it? Of course I do, but now it is stained with both the blood of the forever alive brothers the Martyrs, and the ashes of their burned souls, burned parts of my homeland. Both the red blood and the black ashes were necessary to raise high in the sky my forever bigger belonging the Islamic sign! ... The white star and the crescent.

Then, what difference Feb17 made for me? A lot ! That sense of belonging and responsibility went inflating like crazy in "me". Wiped me in the way. There was no more space for "me" in my life in the last six months, only that sense grew and grew as if there is no one else living in there except it. That sense was really nasty, selfish in its growth but I know that was necessary to keep it growing. It was part of me and it was stupid to suppress it or hold it back. I embraced it. I gave it as much as I can to let it grow. I was doing it while I am totally aware and satisfied. I lost many things in the path, but I considered those things trivial. What mattered most was to keep myself sane.

Ok, Congratulation for keeping sane! Am I back now, did I have more space for "me" in me now? Kind of, the process is going on slowly but steadily.

So what next, will my responsibilities be easier to apply now? I expect and hope so. Will this make my life easier? Well, I don't think so. Despite the fact that the responsibilities are easier to apply now but my life will turn more difficult. How is that ? Because now I have a much larger space to work in. Much bigger work can be achieved to build, therefore more efforts are needed to apply. Less rest and more hard work are in the way.

Allah is the Greatest! Thank you Allah. By the name of Allah we start ...

الله أكبر

اللهم لك الحمد والشكر

بسم الله

Not abroad, it is inward !

2010-12-12T21:01:00.000-08:00

Taken by me, in Bathesda, MD

Yes, It is me ...

Still surviving ...

Run through a lot since my arrival to my new place ...

It was not friendly with me as the Puget Sound area of the Northwest . Yet, I am getting along with it and start to kind of like the hectic rhythm of life here.

The sentence "Run through a lot " includes all of my life aspects; training, studying, health, and personal life. Truly the experience I got in the last four months was like a concentrated package for what I had in the last two years abroad.

Some moments felt so tough as if I am breaking down and losing myself, most of the other moments was blessings and made me grow and grow inward.

This journey, most people think it is a journey of studying and living abroad away from home, but I always believed it is a journey of flying and ascending inward, to get closer to the inland, and to look at this magnificent creation of Allah in each and everyone of us. And that is another living paradox of my life.

Two particular moments of near death experience only forty two days apart was so awakening that although it was tough , yet whenever I think of those moments I thank Allah million times for letting me living it.

Don't worry I am well now that was during months of August and September, including the holey month of Ramadan.

I actually was blogging tweeting, and Facebooking, during that time, maybe I was in stage of denial and trying to prove to myself that I am fine. But quickly realized that I am not, and that's when my blog went into a stage of hibernation, when I started taking care of that wounded self of mine.

Now to be honest I don't want for this place to hibernate again after this post but I can't give false promises ...

So, I will try my best to hold this blog up while flying this journey as that sparrow in the photo above trying to hold a straw and fly with it. That what I really want and guess will happen even if my next post was after another few months ...

Yes, I am fine , ElhamdoAllah ...

Confession: Wedding, Yes ... White dress, No...!

2010-09-22T04:11:00.000-07:00

I liked this "congrats" handshake it feels so warm

My mom needed to play mother-in law role last night, she very rarely needs to play that role. I had a good laugh while hearing the details, I played sister-in law role too when I was laughing, lol.

Yesterday was my brother's wedding. It is still a custom in Libyan wedding to have separated party for men and women, No mix, but there is this new ( not really new , it has been going for years now ) stupid tradition of wedding when the groom enter the the hall of the women party and walk in hand in hand in front of the guests who are all women, then to take a seat beside his bride and spend time together taking pictures and having dinner and sometimes even dancing in front of the women crowd !!!

I was never able to comprehend this event, I always used to say if the party is mixed then I will allow the groom to enter but I will always feel it so odd to see the groom in a hall stacked with only women! And I will definitely not allow it for my man, but that is another issue because I know I have a lot of strange believes about my dream wedding. Strange by the measures of our current society. It is that strange that if people know about it, their their suspecion about my craziness will be converted to a clear fact .. To give a clue, I don't have the white dress dream fror my wedding!!! Wedding, Yes , white dress No ... I've kept this fact hidden for sometime now , even my mom who is so close to me, only knew about it only recently. I was hiding it because she herself still keep her white dress in her closet for memories of her day.

To make it clear, I wouldn't say I will never wear it, I'm not that silly or superficial to reject a good man because he has a white dress dream and want mt to wear it for the wedding. But simply I don't have this dream, and wish one day if Allah has a plan for me to have a wedding party, I wish it will be without the white dress , and by the way it is not that I want to have the same dress but with different color. No, it is more deep than that idea. Will keep what I wishto dress for my wedding for another time.

Ok, after this big confession let's go back to my broher, he was telling me during his engagement period how his girl insisted and wanted him to enter the hall of the wedding party to spend time in front of her guests, and how he felt uncomfortable about it. He tried hardly to convince her , she was good in everything , but stubborn regarding this matter, and same way was my brother's rejection to this idea.

We as a family don't usually interefer with this matter, for example in the wedding of my previous two brothers ,one of them entered the women hall the other didn't, but back then, there were no conflicts with their brides. But this time it was different, there was a conflict, between my brother and his bride.

I remember one time his girl called me hoping that I will convince him, and the poor girl she didn't know that she is ringing the wrong number. But I didn't let her down anyway, and tried to reach a compromising solution, I told her I will convince him to enter that private bride room which is available in each wedding hall and they can spend sometime taking pictures or do whatever they want away from the women crowd.

Anyway, days have gone and finally came the critical moments last night. As my mom was telling when they arrived to the wedding hall and as it was planed to spend sometime inthe private side-room, they were surprised with the bride walking-out to the reception of the hall and asking my brother to walk in to the hall together ... My brother get surprised and confused and with all the mixed feelings he had at that moment he just paused.

As I said my mom wouldn't interfere if he wanted that thing to happen, yet she know he doesn't. She stood-up and said, if that will happen then I am leaving the hall ! ( With angry face ). My other tow sister-in law was watching with surprise, they have never seen my mom taking such an action, she was always nice and polite. That was because she never needed to take what might look as impolite by our society measures.

I actually was laughing an evil laugh hearing the story, lol. Just my main concern was how did the bride managed to walk in with empty hands back to her guests, that would be really embarrassing , but luckily the private room was beside the reception, they stepped to the private room, and things went just as planned, but the poor bride she must had been disappointed.

Inshallah,this will be the first and only conflict they have in their life. My previous two brothers were blessed with their wives and both of my sister in-law were like daughters to my mom, I wish that my youngest brother and his bride will also have the same blessing and even more.

PS: first post I write through iPhone, after al-fajer , Silver Spring, MD.

The day when a butterfly landed on my shoulder!

2010-09-04T01:48:00.000-07:00

I was out today at a water fountain near my school. I was taking pictures for Quran the holy book for a project I joined and enjoy among few other friends on a facebook group. While I was deeply involved in my project I heard a voice asking in pure classical Arabic,

هل تريدين المساعدة Do you need some help ?

I looked to myself my backpack on the edge of the fountain , I put the holy book over the bag, and I was trying to hlod it straight by one hand and holding my phone camera by the other hand. I definitely looked as someone who needs help, yet I answered, No with a smile. We continued talking in classical Arabic. A freshman Malysian student in the Arabic department at George Washington University. He speaks the classical Arabic very well. We talked about the Arabic language and the different accent in the Arabic countries. Also We discussed Islam and life in Malysia. Was short but nice talk. While we were finishing a butteryfly landed on my shoulder, it stayed still for few seconds, and then it flew away. Few seconds and it came back and stayed there for several minutes. I liked it and handed my phone to the young man and asked him to take pictures for it, while I am enjoying standing still and looking at the big butterfly. It actually didn't move till I touched it lightly with my hand. I never experienced that before , it was nice peaceful feelings. I felt in contact with the butterfly!

While leaving I asked him what is your name he said ....... , then he asked what's your name I said ....... .

Oh! that means Inspiration, right? he said , nice meaningful name.I replyed yes it is, and I asked what does your name mean?

He said nothing , it has no meaning , it is just a word invented by my parents, it has no meaning. He sounded a kind of disappointed. I replyed with a smile don't worry you will be the one who creat a meaning for your name. I saluted him, فرصة سعيدة nice to meet you , Assalm Alikum ...

That was my second conservation in Arabic in Silver Spring ( the first one was in Arabic Grocery Store ) but it was the first conversation by the classical Arabic.

Now, why do you think the butterfly landed on me ... I think it was just tired from a long flight and wanted to rest on some peaceful place which happened to be my shoulder!

I am the fountain of peace ...lol

From Washington to Washington ...

2010-08-22T22:31:00.000-07:00

Taken Aug. 14th 2010

From Seattle, Washington the state to Washington DC. the city , not really to Washington city but to a small city near Washington DC , called Silver Spring in Maryland...

The trip was non-stop five hours long flight during Ramadan the 2nd, August, 12th 2010.

A page turend over in my life book. It is turned because of the natural effect of time, but I know practically my soul will be hanging in there for sometime while my body is moving forward to type what need to be typed in the new blank pages ...

The preparation for the move was mixed with the preparation for an important exam which make things more complicated , yet Allah was there to help me out solving everything ...

When I say everthing I mean both small and big things ... and by small I mean the smallest and the silliest thing you can ever think of ... To make the picture clearer here is a story for a small little thing,

In that morning few days befor I move, I lost my hair clip . I don't know where I did put it, but it was not there in the place that it should be in ... searched and searched and couldn't find it ... and unfortunately there is no one else to blame for moving it from it's place, it's only me ... And as I have enough of for myself to blam for I tried just to forget it ...I was in a hustle that morning , I gave up searching and left to do what need to be done in that day ... late in the evening I was doing some MCQ qestions for study, while eating some nuts .. I dropped a nut ... the nut leaped between the furniture in front of my eyes, it jumped in a strange angles to end up in weird place ... I extending my arm to reach it in that corner , I proceeded with my hand, and as my fingers were searching and moving looking for the nut , guess what I hit ?... The Hair Clip ... which I was searching for all the day long... and if it is not for the nut which dropped in that weird angle I would have given away the furniture and never found that hair clip ... It is simple , no majic behind ... Allah was there...

This was just a little tiny examble ... if I start telling big stories, I will never stop ...

Allah's providential care have been surrounding me in a way that I feel ashamed of myself for not giving back what need to be given ... I just take take and take ... What a shame !

So, the preparation for movement was a little hard but the trip itslf went smoothly ... As always, I plan for everything in advance. While traveling I don't like to leave things for surprises, for the seek of safety ... I made a reservation for everything from the shuttle that will pick me from my place to the airport in Seattle to the shuttle that will be taking me from the airport to my new place in Silver Spring.

Settling down was easy too, but later on as the days proceeded I got some un-pleasent unexpected surprises ... But as Always Allah's providential care was overwhelming and things went just fine ...

More inhsAllah in the coming weeks If I got time, as I will be starting my first day of clinical medical training tomorrow ... This is not the real medical residecy, this is just a kind of training to get some US clinical experience which can help in getting residency position later on if Allah wantend ...

There is saying that say , When God is at the center of ur priority in life , u r the center of Allah's providential care

I wish in these blessed days that this saying applies to me ... but I am afraid being the other kind of people which Allah testing them by giving and giving and giving them what they wanted and want to see if they will obey and they just go astray and never obey and you know the rest ...

I just wish that in my life time I can give back to Allah, at least half of what he has given to me ...

Ramadan Kareem for All ...

I will remember you in my prayers , and would appreciate it , if u do the same :)

Call to Fajr prayer , Tripoli, Libya

2010-07-18T12:40:00.000-07:00

I typed in a previous post ,

".......Sometimes when I go to sleep I leave both of the accounts on, on my laptop, in this way I could simulate the call for alfajer prayers as I used to hear it in the serenity of the early morning hours back home in my lovely city of Tripoli......."

Here we go,

...

التقيا ... فالتحما

2010-07-17T00:06:00.000-07:00

التقيا

في لقاء لم يخططه بنو البشر

ولا بني أي نوع من المخلوقات

هيا شرارة حدثت في السما

فالتقطاها

مدت هي بغصيناتها

فالتقطها هو ورفعها إليه

كانت لعبة تراشق في البداية

لكنهما أحباها

فحافظا وثابرا عليها

اعطاها مالم تناله أي من مثيلاتها

سند وحماية

ابقياها شامخة في الفضاء

مكَّنها من أن تتنشق عطر السماء

اعطته مالم يحلم به أي من بني جنسه

زهور وردية

تلفه وتنيره في الصيف

ودفأ من غصيناتها في الشتاء

...

تلك حكاية شجرة ملتحمة حباً

طلَّت عليها شرفة غرفتي لسنين عمر طويلة

الجهنمية والسَّرُو

لطالما تأملت عناقهما في النهار

وانصت لهمسهما وضحكاتهما في جوف الليل

علمت أن قصة التحامهما قد انتهت اليوم

وقد أبَّيا إلَّا أن يفارقا الحياة متعانقين

...

The Hundredth Monkey Effect

2010-06-25T15:17:00.000-07:00

Note; May be I should've written this post in Arabic langauge, but for some reason I wanted for the content of my subject to reach out to my bilingual readers. Almost all the links included in this post are in Arabics.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I have read about this theory; The Hundredth Monkey Effect, for the first time in a booklet at my high school library back in Libya... I was lucky to have such a rich library in my high school, Al-majd Al-shamaly high school in Tripoli, may be it was because of the high education of the organizer of that Library, I hope that Library is still alive...
I tried to recall the author of that booklet, I think it was for Asadek Alnehoom الصادق النيهوم but I'm not sure ... The booklet was a summarized Arabic translation for an original English book.

Let me first share with you the idea of the theory, then I will tell you why I remembered it after this long time:

The Hundredth Monkey

by Ken Keyes, jr.

The Japanese monkey, Macaca fuscata, had been observed in the wild for a period of over 30 years.

In 1952, on the island of Koshima, scientists were providing monkeys with sweet potatoes dropped in the sand. The monkeys liked the taste of the raw sweet potatoes, but they found the dirt unpleasant.

An 18-month-old female named Imo found she could solve the problem by washing the potatoes in a nearby stream. She taught this trick to her mother. Her playmates also learned this new way and they taught their mothers too.

This cultural innovation was gradually picked up by various monkeys before the eyes of the scientists.

Between 1952 and 1958 all the young monkeys learned to wash the sandy sweet potatoes to make them more palatable.

Only the adults who imitated their children learned this social improvement. Other adults kept eating the dirty sweet potatoes.

Then something startling took place. In the autumn of 1958, a certain number of Koshima monkeys were washing sweet potatoes -- the exact number is not known.

Let us suppose that when the sun rose one morning there were 99 monkeys on Koshima Island who had learned to wash their sweet potatoes.

Let's further suppose that later that morning, the hundredth monkey learned to wash potatoes.

THEN IT HAPPENED!

By that evening almost everyone in the tribe was washing sweet potatoes before eating them.

The added energy of this hundredth monkey somehow created an ideological breakthrough!

But notice.

A most surprising thing observed by these scientists was that the habit of washing sweet potatoes then jumped over the sea..

Colonies of monkeys on other islands and the mainland troop of monkeys at Takasakiyama began washing their sweet potatoes.

Thus, when a certain critical number achieves an awareness, this new awareness may be communicated from mind to mind.

Although the exact number may vary, this Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon means that when only a limited number of people know of a new way, it may remain the conscious property of these people.

But there is a point at which if only one more person tunes-in to a new awareness, a field is strengthened so that this awareness is picked up by almost everyone!

(from the book "The Hundredth Monkey" by Ken Keyes, jr. The book is not copyrighted and the material may be reproduced in whole or in part).

What remind me of this is what I read in a blog for a fellow Libyan Blogger. I believe the efforts that are made by him and by many other fellow Libyans in the blog world or elsewhere are going to make the hundredth monkey effect one day in my beloved society.

Now, upon a request which I read in Bumedian's blog, I am attaching links for these two posts that he requested to be spread out,

The first one is about a charity work for the seek of preserving the old holy books of Quran, and keeping the book from the effect of worn out,

لو تمزق المصحف ؟

http://tripolitanian.blogspot.com/2010/06/blog-post_17.html

Watching these people shouldn't make us feel so small; althought it did for me, but in reality we should learn the concept and try to continue it by whatever skills we have in our different fields.

The second post is about the misuse of antibiotics in Libya. Old post but worth the renewal:

العقار المعجزة ... لكل داء

http://tripolitanian.blogspot.com/2009/10/blog-post_13.html

These efforts will never go in vain, I already saw the hundreth monkey effect prevailing while I was working in Tripoli medical center / pediatric emergency room back in Libya, many Libyans don't like to start antibiotics for their children; not all but many, and many others get convinced easily when the doctor explain to them in simple words why it is inappropriate to start it.

Now, for the seek of honesty,I don't completely agree with all the posts which was written by Bumedian, and that is noraml, but I do like many of his writing,

Here are some posts that there were not any request for them to be spread, but I like the way the post is written, so I would like to share them with my Arabic readers,

I won't explain the idea of the following post, coz then I'll ruin the plot in the story,

من خلال عينيه ...

http://tripolitanian.blogspot.com/2010/05/blog-post_27.html

Another good one,

جارنا

http://tripolitanian.blogspot.com/2010/03/blog-post_02.html

The next link is for a post which I never met anyone or read anything which touched the subject the way Bumedian did, I do know people who try to solve out this problem and they succeeded, but the way Bumedian put it in words was different for me,

حصن الحرائر

http://tripolitanian.blogspot.com/2009/07/blog-post_11.html

And many unique posts are there, I have not got the chance to check everything, I discovered this blogs only recently.

Keep going Bumedian, you and the rest of others who have intentions like yours will sooner or later reach-out the hundredth monkey and our socitey will change!

Whoever wants to read more about the hundreth monkey theory here is a link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hundredth_monkey_effect

You will see that some researchers have discredited this effect, but I believe that the theory is stronger than the discerdit!

Zumeeta زميطة in a love package from Tripoli-home!

2010-06-05T17:07:00.000-07:00

A package of Love from my mom

Whenever people ask me what do u miss from home. I say; apart from family and friends, I miss hearing the call for prayers five times a day and from different source at the same time, especially in Alfajer prayer. On my laptop I have two different accesses with two different account users, I have set the program of Athan to call by different Muezzin (مؤذن) in each of the two accounts. Sometimes when I go to sleep I leave both of the accounts on, on my laptop, in this way I could simulate the call for alfajer prayers as I used to hear it in the serenity of the early morning hours back home in my lovely city of Tripoli.

The second important thing which I miss here is Zumeeta! So, what is Zumeeta?
Zumeeta is a traditional food prepared from barley. I don't actually like any kind of Zumeeta, I like the one which is prepared from the fresh green barley, it is called Zumeetat makhdoor

( زميطة مخضور) it is more harder to prepare than the usual Zumeeta which is made from the old already dried barely. I am not the right person to describe how it is prepared, but basically it is a fried and finely ground barley. The flour of this fried and ground barley is called Zumeeta. It is kept as flour in-store and each time you want to eat some Zumeeta, you mix this flour with some water and olive oil. It is extremly healthy and delicious when you start your day with it.

After it gets mixed, I like to eat it with honey or sugar along with a cup of milk or green tea. I know that some people eat it with rub ( date syrup). Some others eat it with onion, I couldn't perceive this way of eating Zumeeta, I was raised on the fact that Zumeeta is categorized as sweet food. My father though started to eat it with onion in the last few years. If there is other way of eating Zumeeta that I don't know, feel free to enrich my knowledge about it.

Yesterday, I received a love package from my mom back home, and guess what there is Zumeetat Makhdoor in the package, along with some headscarves as you see in the pictures up there. The headscarves are the other thing which I find difficult to get my choice here where I live in Seattle/WA . I can easily find the heavy thick one. But I'm not comfortable wearing those thick ones even in winter. And the other lighter designs which are available here are either transparent, or very short, with very limited choices, obviously not suitable for Hijab.

As my mom know me best, she sent me some love along with headscarves and Zumeeta .

Thank you Mom

PS: I tried to google Zumeeta on line to find if anyone talk about it in English, I only found this post for our old Libyan fellow blogger Libyano... I changed the spelling of Zumeeta in my post to be spelled in the same way as he wrote it, so in the future it might be easier to reach the resources if someone googled it in English.

Hijab is an oppression !!!?

2010-05-18T02:12:00.000-07:00

Why only women were honored in Islam by the glory of holding visibly the banner of their faith ?

Muslim women live their lives holding high, the banner of their faith, opening themselves to all kinds of questions, curious and annoying ones, sending the message by each and every act they do while wearing Hijab, and sometimes even risking their lives.
What a responsibility?
What courage and strength woman should have to carry that responsibility?

On the other hand, Muslim men can live their whole lives and die, specially in the west, without anyone know if they were Muslims.

Why would you think Islam have given this glory only for women and not for men?

I can't see Hijab now a days as a source of protection, neither in the west nor in the east.

Something more about Hijab.

Something more we need to understand.

How funny that there are still people out there argue, Hijab is an oppression of a Muslim woman !!!
What a joke ?!

Dear Sisters wear your Hijab and keep your heads up. Allah knows better than us. He knows that we have the power!

.

What do you want, Enlightened?

2010-05-15T19:52:00.000-07:00

The Tunnel looks dark at it's end!

I'm stuck for a while in one of those ugly moments of " What do you really want, Enlightened? "

Hope it will not stay for long!

Because strange bad answers are floating in the air, and Enlightened is not happy with those answers.

If Enlightened is not happy with the answers, How it comes that those are the answers!

"Happy" should be a logic consequence for "Want".

Am I messing things up ?!

I'm proceeding forward in the hope that I will see the light at some point, while I am approaching the end.

Am I going to see the light ?

Allah is the only one who knows!

ونِعم بالله

These two shots was taken in Central park / New York, Oct/2009

2 Years !

2010-05-12T23:51:00.000-07:00

أسألها عبر البحار والمحيطات

قداش ولا عمرك؟

تجيبني:

عَمّين

(عامين)

في أي مكان تجد فيه

جهاز كمبيوتر محمول

تجلس أمامه وتصرخ

منادية

أمتي

(عمتي)

هل تذكرونها؟
اضغط هنا

Dislike button on my blog, but not on facebook!

2010-05-01T00:31:00.000-07:00

From today's on you will find a new buttons below each of my posts. The first one is the Dislike button, and the second one is the Like button.
Now, concentrate with me and follow these instructions carefully:

- Don't ever ever ever, and at any circumstances click on the first one Dislike. If you do so, you will trigger an attack of crying and sadness, that might progress to a sever depression, and probably suicide. "Waaah , they don't like my writing, they don't like me. Everybody hates me. How can I live with that? ".

- Focus, Click on the second one always, and more than once if possible. By doing this you will accomplish your dream in this life.... Imagine!!! you will be adding colors of joy and happiness to someones life. And this someone is possibly a stranger to you. What a good deeds you are doing!

You might ask, so why didn't you make it one choice and one click from the first place, just the Like button ? Good question!

But then I will get just half the feeling of joy, which will come from the big number in front of the Like button, the other half of joy which I should get from the zero in front of the Dislike button, will be missing.

Now seriously, how many of you wished to have that Dislike button on facebook?

I think my blog is beating the popularity of facebook by having this Dislike button...

Someone is nodding his head out there and saying: No doubt!
But wait, that was followed by: When was the last time you have seen your doctor?

Innocent days

2010-04-28T01:13:00.000-07:00

MAMA MAMA

I feel sick

Call the doctor quick quick

Doctor Doctor

Shall I die?

No my baby don't cry.

It seems that I am hanging back in the past these days.

Today, while I were listening to an interesting medical lecture by Dr. Cornard Fischer, he suddenly as he always do in his entertaining lectures, he suddenly started to sing a different version of the above nursery rhyme.

MAMA MAMA

I am ill

Send for the doctor to give me the pill

Doctor Doctor

Shall I die

Yes my child, but so shall I.

The first version of this rhyme were the first words I ever memorized in English language.

I have not learn it in a nursery or in a school , but from my childhood friend Sekab back in Hungary.

Thanx Sekab (:

And then I haven't officially learn anything else in English till my teenage in Libya.

As I recall that now, it sounds interesting!

Does anyone have another version for this nursery rhymes?

or any other nursery rhyme that you like and still hanging there in the memory.

Arabic, English, doesn't matter!!

I miss those innocent days ... sigh!

Jasmine

2010-04-18T19:44:00.000-07:00

Our Jasmine minutes before I left

It is amazing how little things can trigger such an old series of memories.

Today after a thorough attack of home cleansing. I decided to burn some incense ( وشَّق ) which was brought from back home to enjoy its essance.
( I became expert in doing this without turning the fire alarm on ...lol... )

Of course the scene wouldn't be complete without a clear glass cup of green tea with mint and almond.

That's all what I need to fly back in time ... to land on our green garden back home...

Where I found myself realxing as a little child in my Grandma's soft lap , undre the Jasmine bush.

The small white delicate Jasmine flowers stare at me, alluring me and everyone else to pickt it, while my grandma braids my hair and tells me stories about the days which have gone by.
Peace

A dream come true

2010-04-09T00:26:00.000-07:00

First let me share this poster with you.

Its about The last trend in the first world culture

Shoes are weapons of mass destruction

I always had this dream where I am looking and looking and looking for my shoes and can't find it. In some rare episodes of the dream I do find the pair. Sometimes it is beautiful and fit. Other times it just does the job, and save me from the embarrassment of walking barefooted in public. I never thought that this dream will come true.

The story is while I am studying at the computer lab, I usually spend hours and hours, just sitting in front of the computer, listening and watching lectures. This become my routine over a year now. During these long hours I have to do different maneuvers to keep myself relaxed. One of these is taking the yoga sitting position (with folding legs over the chair). Not doing yoga, just adapting its sitting position. Simply I can't tolerate my legs being dangled in a vertical position for a long time. Even in the airplanes, I used to do this maneuver. But not on the national American airplanes, with its narrow constricted chairs, where you can easily touch your neighbor in any tiny attempts of movement. I did try to do it but wouldn't advice anyone to try it. That is another tale, I might tell it one day.

Anyway back to the main story, I don't need to say that when I was taking that comfort position I have to take off my shoes, and I usually push them away under the desktop table. Yesterday at the lab, I wanted to stretch out my leg muscles by walking around. So I get off my chair and slipped my feet over my shoes, or let's say over the place I imagined my shoes should be occupying.
But I missed it!!!

OK, I thought I must have pushed them aside by my chair. So I looked around.

But it was not there!!!

Turned my head upside down searching under the tables.

But it was not there !!!

I kneeled on four to get a better view.

But...

Yes, as you guessed.

IT WAS NOT THERE!!!

It just vanished!!!

OK, now what?!!!

I was standing in the middle of the lab with bare feet (not really bare, my shiny white socks was on).

Now, if I walked around with my bare foot, there is a possibility that someone would notice and point at me and burst out laughing, and everyone else would follow.

NO, no, no, Enlightened. That might happen in another place and at another time, but not on this place and at this particular time on planet earth.

In this lab everyone is squeezing his face in his computer screen and his/her whole concentration is there. Sometimes I feel that those screens sucking out the spirit of life from those poor bodies.
Anyway Even if by chance someone noticed anything he would pretend that he didn't notice anything (our lab is a collection of weirdooos including myself), so I happily excluded this possibility.

Now how am I going to reach home. Again, moving around in the street wouldn't be a big matter I have seen people walking around in the street with bare feet, not with a flip flop. That is an old fashioned. The new trend is flip flop for winter and bare foot for summer.

As I posted in the above picture

Shoes are now considered as weapons of mass destruction.

But Hello!!! we are in the spring with all the rain, this will not work.

How am I going to walk on the rainy Seattle wet streets barefooted?

Even if people didn't care, I might end up with a bad cold or at minimum some uncomfortable abrasions.

Then I am still not ready to adapt this new trend. Yes, I am good at pretending to adapt many things, but this new trend is not classified yet under my "many things."

Maybe the best idea is trying to pull out one of those weirdooo from the computer screen and asking him/her to buy me a new shoes from the nearest shoe store.

This picture taken last summer at the bus station. Told u it's normal.

All these thoughts passed across my mind in a Milli of a second. Of course deep inside I was pretty sure that my shoes are hidden somewhere by the Italian lady who was sitting in the opposite table facing me, because she is the only one who had an access to my shoes.

As I recall she is the only one who needed to go under her desktop table to UN-plug her laptop several minutes before she left.

So It is simple I just need to turn around few steps to look for my lovely shoes, and that's exactly what I did. I turned around to found my lovely shoes over her table.

Lady Italian, nice joke. But next time be brave and let me have the whole experience. Take my shoes away with you .

You know what my lady, I really feel sorry for you now, as u needed to reach that close to my shoes. I can't tolerate having a stinky one, but u risked that possibility when you held my shoes that close.

I always feel sorry for those security officers at American airports who scan people's shoes. What a job!!!

Be ready Lady Italian u triggered the fire!
.

( By the way, for the history and the records the first picture was an advertisment for a comfort shoes. I exploited its meaning to fit my post.)

PS: Sorry for the long post, it seems that I am hungry for typing, hope u hungry enough for reading.

Ferrero Raffaello Massacre

2010-04-02T23:57:00.000-07:00

Food have always been one of my sources for enjoyment and pleasure.

That have never been a problem,

till recently, when I discovered that food became one of my main stress relief strategy.

In the past using food as self-reward was not a problem.

First, because there wasn't much to reward myself for !

Second, I was burning everything right away.

So, basically there was no problem.

But things are not the same anymore.

Now, I am looking every day for something to reward myself for .

Let's say to be more precise every hour.

Ok, ok, I know.
This sounds stupid.

But this is one of my ways to beat the pain of expatriation and loneliness.

I tried to fight this bad habit, specially as I am not getting much time to burn out what I am eating. but it seems that my effort to fight this habit went in vain.

Whenever the wise voice begins to give advice and recommendations, about eating healthy, and stop eating chocolates and other unhealthy food. The other voice will exagerate everything and start to moan :

Come'on , expatriation, loneliness, hard study, and on top of this u want to add starvation. That is too much, that is unbearable.

The weeping continue till a piece of Lindt finds it's way to stop the cry.

Do I need to mention that the weeping voice always win ?

Anyway, as I put on top of my " TO DO LIST" : Extenction of eating as a stress relief strategy.

I decided that one way of fighting this stupid strategy is by exposing it to the public here. In the hope of getting some scolding words from my readers, that can shut off the crying voice, or at least tone it down.

..HELP ME, HELP MYSELF..

To make the picture clearer here I put a snapshot for a usual quiet study day.

Note that piece of Rafaello never touched.

The wise voice is on control in this picture.

And here where things go out of control.

Take a closer look.

And that was just the beginning of the attack!

Like or u don't like !

2010-03-28T01:25:00.000-07:00

Today ...

While my body was relaxing; after several hectic months of hard study,

my finger tips appeared to still have some energy.

It started to tap over the keyboard to come up with these words.

It seems that somebody has finally obeyed to Lebeeya's magnetic power !!!

The title was about the new blog template. Nice to read ur opnion dear reader.

Google Palestine

2009-10-26T21:45:00.000-07:00

Do u know that google started just in last Aug. to launch a Palestinian Domain... Google.PS .... Here it is, if u haven't checked it...

Click on this link

http://www.google.ps/

There is hope :)

Me , the bus driver, the bus fare, and the Hijab

2009-10-14T20:58:00.000-07:00

Here in Puget sound area, the public transit introduced a new transportation cards that work for almost all bus companies, to make riding the bus more convenient.

As I am always do like to take advantages of new things, I purchased this card few months back. But I only started to use it this October, when I finded some time to read about how it works.

Without including too much details about how you can load it and use it.I will go directly to the story. When I rode my bus this evening the driver stopped me and my friend when we tapped our cards on the card reader. I glanced at the screen of the reader, but nothing was wrong, at least according to my experincein using it in the last 2 weeks.

But the driver has something else to say, and he started to explain that we should add additional 1$ because of so and so. He was stressing his words with confidence in a way that any one listening, and most of the bus was listening, would think either we were stupids or we were thieves .The bus driver is talking about the card, so he must be right. I got confused specially with people starting to pile up in a line behind us. The problem is that I don't carry cash. Why I would carry any if I don't need it. Anyway the driver didn't insist that we have to pay, he was explaining so in the next time we would know.
I explained to him what I know in short, but he refuted my explanation. And he started to get nervous and asked me to contact the office if I am not believing him.

We got on the bus, and now me who started to become nervous, that is bad, really bad, if not for us then for the scarf we put over our heads. I always feel my responsiblities are doubled for anything I do here in the west. for anything I do, it doesn't only reflect me. My actions also reflects the religion for which I carry an obvious symbole.

I started thinking how to solve this, only talking to myself as my friend sat far away from me. Coz the bus was almost full. I reviewed the events, I am pretty sure of my understanding of how this card works. Whenever I use something new, I have to know it well before using it.

I started discussing with myself

So, what should I do?

I have to discuss with the driver while I am getting off the bus. He has to know that I am right in a polite way, without making him nervous.

But how could you convince him?

We need a third party.

He can call his office. I see bus drivers always call the office when they have some issues on the bus.

But that if they have something like an emergency!!!

Hallow!! this is an emergency to me, I am fighting here for my headscarf, I am neither a stupid nor a thief.

And what if he proves that you are wrong ?

Then being a stupid Muslim is better than being a theif, coz Muslims should never be thieves.

Ok honey,calm down,.... then try to look for a dollar your face will look better just in case if he proves that u r wrong, you would put the Dollar he asked for.

I searched my backpack carefully but eagerly, and in one forgotten pocket in my bag, I found not only one, but two forgotten dollars.

Here we go.

It is starting to get better.

Now, be calm, realx, and talk politely, and try to ask for the third party. Try to convince him to call his office and they will explain everthing.

I prepared everything, myself , the sentences that I will say, the money ready in my hand, and breathed deeply while the bus was approaching my stop.

Few minutes before the bus stop as usual the driver announced the station in the speakers, and ....... no silence ... he is still talking ... he continued.......
please the two young ladies whom I talked with about the cards and the fares. If you please come get off from the front door, because I want to apologize from you. You were right, and I was wrong !!!

A book hug!

2009-10-06T22:38:00.000-07:00

I have been and will continue to be away from the blogsphere for a quite long time, or may be u will find me after few days blogging agian, I don't really know!!!

Alot of things have happened and other things are still happening in my life, I am not sure if I will be able to blog about it . I am not even sure why am I blogging right now .

May be coz I don't want to leave this period of my life just blank on my blog. I want to document it even by one short post. Or may be I am blogging coz I need to. Or may be coz I need people to remember me in their prayers, so plz anyone pass by here remember me in ur prayers.

The only thing which I am sure about is that the picture above explains to a great extent my condition in these days.

Inspite of the fact that Books are one of the source of my suffering during this period of my life; still books, books, and nothing but books; were the only thing which succeded in smoothing away some of the pain.

Come my dear book , come my precious come, hug me.

لانقنك...!

2009-05-27T01:51:00.000-07:00

حصيلة عشرة -بكسر العين- سبع شهور مع الشراقة

.......

شرقاوية- غرباوية

نحن - حني

نابيدي - أني

كنك - خيرك

بكل بكسر الباء والكاف - بكل بضم الباء والكاف

واجد - هلبا

عالي واطي - زنقي دحدح
هرجة - دوشة

حمو - نو

مخربطة - مكعفصة

بكرة - غضوة

مجاش - مازال ماجش أوقاعدمجاش

مرايف - مستاحش

مرايف واحدة من الكلمات الي مش عادية بكل

نركب عليك - نبصر عليك

ليش - علاش

شوري - ليا

يان علي - حي عليا

ياحليلك - ياسعدودك أو صحا ليدك

سراق - خناب
حولي - خروف
بوشبو- زقرلو

صبي - أوقف

عدي - امشي

بحث - شوف أو اشبح

يزقب - ينقز

ارجي - استني

شيل - قيم

قمعزي - قعمزي
تبرم - تلف

عزقتها - لوحتها

دز - ابعث

يباوع - يطلع لبرا بش يشوف

نرطن - ندوي بلهجة غير مفهومة

نبص- انفرمط
يعوكر- يلعوص

لاورا - لتالي
بنة - ريحة أو صنة

.
بوتاس - واركينة

كباية - طاسة

كاس - مالقي

حكية - حكة

ابريق - براد

بكرج - سزوة أو بكرج

شكارة - برزة أو كيسة أو شكارة

طفايا - طبلة

.
الوكال- الماكلة

تن - طن

نص - نفص

مكرونة جارية - مكرونة مبكبكة

عصبان شمس - عصبان مقدد

قازوزة - مشروب

مقطع - رشدة برمة
بطيخ - قلعاوي

ماندلينا - الليم الكيني أو اليوسيفي

برتقال - ليم

ليم - ليم عصري

بكيوة - قرعة حمراء

بشكوط - بشكطي

الفحم - بياض

نقرم - ننتش

يطرش- يرجع أو يرد

.
دبش - حوايج
قبالي - صندل

صبات - شبشب

كاويش - سبيدرو

كراع - رجل

جمة - قصة

مساكة - توكة

روب - قفطان الحوش

سير - سبتة

.
عقد - خناق

نبيلة - سوار

دندونة - خرصة

.
شمسية - سحابة أو مظلة

بنينة - بيرو

قلم - لابس أو قلم

.
بطاح - طانطا

قلع - عكارية

فريتشا- فليتشا

.
شبردق - سياج

المارشة - شرشور

القزاز - مرش

سيمسيمة - المرشة الصغيرة

المادة - المرشبيدي
سالطو - مطب

عمود - بالو

حيطة - رشادة

ساس - حيط

.
باتي - بوي

العويل - الصغار

جتي - حناي أو جداي

متزوزة - متزوجة
سمح - اقنين

بلبول- سحنون

متبلد- بليد

راجل صامت - راجل بارد

وأخيرا وليس آخرا الكلمة التي خشت في خاطري ولم أجد لها بديل غرباوي

...لانقنك

لانقنك يا أ.أ. لشهلولية

الي عنده مايضيف يتفضل ، الموضوع قابل للتعديل والاضافة..

An update from here and there

2009-05-16T12:33:00.000-07:00

Many of my friends keep asking me about the routine of my life here, and they are not satisfied by my short answers. I might look talkative here in my blog but not in real life. I will try in this post to lighten up some corners of my daily life activities here.

As almost all of my time is spent in the test prep. center, it is becoming more and more like home. But sometimes I get fade up from being in the same place so I move around and try some other places for study, here is one of them :It is the Suzzallo Library in the univesity of Washington, not so far from my test prep. center.

I tried this place first when it was recommended to me by one of my friends, she was describing it as a very quite peaceful place, and as I do like the quite atmosphere, I thought why not, let's try it for a change. Ok, here I am sitting and pretending to study....... but Nop ....who can study in this place, it is so huge and beautiful, it looks and feels like the school of witchcraft in Harry Potter, no need to say that instead of studying, I spent the time taking pictures for the place and for my friend while she was studying, and she was looking askance at me and I almost heard her talking to herself: "silly stupid girl... I shouldn't have brought her with me to this place" lol, that was just the first day, then I started to go there alone from time to time just for a change, and I started to look at my books and not to the surroundings.

But most of the study I do is in the study center, which is much more humble and feel more like home, manythings happen in the study center, people studying for USMLE spend from 6 to 12 hours per day in this center, so u can imaginne what they need to do there, eat, drink, pray, everything. The study is so overwhelming it takes them from their daily life, I think in this period of stressful preparation for the exams people become very vulnerable, and they are at risk of unveiling a psycological and behavioural probleams, I ask Allah if anything will go wrong at least to keep my sanity solid during and after this experience.

To give you all a clue about how the time is so precious for those who study for this exam, (those supposed to include me) , I will show the picture of this girl,, and first of all I emphasize that I have a complete respect towards her. I put the picture just to give an idea how people still able to mange and organize their lives whatever was hard the circumstances they are going through, she insisted to take care of herself and enjoy whatever she is going to have after the study hours for that day, as one of my friends said : she is truly a lady.

Yes, what u see is right, those are hair curlers, and she put them while she was studying at the test preparation center, I mean she put this in a public place not a private one, and she didn't care about what other people might think of her. I find it silly now how we complain that we can't find time to take care of ourselves, sleeping, dressing well, giving the proper time for prayer, eating , cooking for ourselves, shaving, or whatever....... get up people, have a life!

( Note: Miss class my friend back home, asked me to not put this picture, may be she is right, but I really have a good intentions in doing this, and I tried to put the blurr effect so I only reveal what I wanted to reveal, words when supported with pictures are more strong, the point is not about the girl itself, but how people should learn to live their lives, if anyone think that I should not share it, please express ur opnion, and I will consider it)

Last month April was the Tulip's festival here in Seattle, and unfortunately I missed it, I myself tend to be disorganized sometimes ( just sometimes) , and I mess things up, I really feel sorry to miss it, may be next year if I stayed at this place, I will make sure not to miss it inshAllah.

Regading my indoor and out door activities which I pointed out in my last post, (for those who was curious enough to ask ) , these activities are not big things to be mentioned, just small things whcih u do seeking for a change, sometimes just a walk in the park is enough for me, a phone call to a friend, sometimes a movie, other times buying goods at a nice grocery store like this one

Or may be just going to the kitchen without any previous plans and come up with something, and enjoy sharing it later with my friend, this was what I have done yesterday, Coffee chocolate Walnut Cake, it might look messy, but it was delicious:)

Last but not least, being abroad make you feel some how insecure, eventhough you know you are in the safest city and the safest place, u still feel a kind of insecure, in order to fight this feeling inside me, ( yeah I have to mange every feeling I experience, and beat it off, I am trying as much as I can to not let the negative feelings pile up ), for this I looked for a new keychain, a special keychain, and with some careful searching I got what I wanted, can u guess what is this? ( the thing beside the fluffy pink teddy bear)

That is enough for today, back to study, don't forget to leave a comment :)

Ayham

2009-05-12T18:17:00.000-07:00

The study is keeping me away from this place, but every once in a while I keep a passion to come back here. That passion which push me to type some few words, sometimes meaningful words, sometimes not, but in one way or another it gives me a kind of fulfillment, which I can't find in any other place.

The study is going fine, six hours in the morning at the study center then back home to take some rest and open the on-line materials to continue the torturing jouney. Ok, this is not moaning, it is jsut a description of what am I going through. This was my choice and I respect my choices, but there is always part of me which is skeptic and try to play the cynical voice in my life. And from time to time this part starts to moan and complian. I managed to turn this voice off with logical and rational reasoning. And whenever I fail to do so, I give it the space to carry out it's creativity. I let it drive me in it's crazy plans. So far they aren't that crazy, actually I am enjoying them. They either indoor or outdoor activities. Although these activities eat up some of my precious time, they do give me extra boost of energy to let me continue this hard path which I drew for myself.

In this post I would like to have a stop and say thank you for my parents, family, and friends who have been so supporative lately. Special thanx to Miss Class my best friend back home, I am so grateful for your supportive phone calls.

Also I would like to thank the small Libyan community around me here, for everyone who keeps checking on me, and special thanx to the couple who were generous enough to send me that extraordinay dish which I include it's picture in this post,. They have been blessed with a babyboy lately , inshAllah he will be from assalheen. And the biggest appreciation goes to my friend and her husband who both keep checking on me regularly on everyday bases either by a visit or a phone call. I don't need to say her name, she knows herself.

Everyday I thank ALLAH for surrounding me with such a wonderful people. Wherever I go he grants me with these kind of soul-lifting highly spiritual kind of people. I ask Allah to give me the power and strength to continue in this battle, and keep myself up to meet their expectations.

Now I invite u all to share with me this delicious traditional Libyan dish of Couscous, feel like home :)

To have a similar experience in people as mine keep this Doaa with you

اللهم اني أسألك حبك وحب من أحبك وحب عمل يقربني الى حبك , اللهم ما أعطيتني مما أحب فاجعله قوة لي فيما تحب وماذويت عني مما أحب فاجعله فراغا لي فيما تحب.

by the way "Ayham" is the name of the babyboy :)

Spring in UW

2009-04-18T23:43:00.000-07:00

The pictures were taken by the camera of my mobile. I aplogize for their poor quality. Just wanted to share the spectacular views with you, hope that you will enjoy them.

Is Seattle really the rainy city?

2009-03-20T21:36:00.000-07:00

Nothing can help like a breath of a fresh slight breeze, on a quiet beach, when someone's nerves are on the edge...

It seems that this space of mine has been abandoned lately. I thought today that it merits some attention. To tell that time shortage was the cause for this desertion, wouldn't be entirely accurate. Writing was always and will continue to be a sort of like breathing to me. So let's say that I'm either getting other ways to respire, or I'm not giving myself the room to breathe properly. Anyway whichever is the truth; here I'm apologizing for the faithful visitors of this page, and trying to rebuild the "rapport" I once had with this corner of mine.

A lot of things are happening lately; their rhythms sometimes seem to be more rapid than what I used to be capable to follow. And I dropped off the beats a couple of time, but I managed to stand up and harmonize with the upcoming beats of the next rhyme.

I have joined the school Journal lately and participated in one edition. It is not a serious writing, just for fun, and I'm enjoying it. However I'm not sure that I can continue in it, for it needs some sort of commitment. And I'm the queen of "disavowal" when it comes to things that I do for fun, so let's just wait and see.

The Journal club is really good place to unwind from the overwhelming study atmosphere that I started lately. It's a self-study program in which you are required to spend about 6 hours a day, for a period of 7 to 9 months; these hours are just the requirement. In fact I need much more than this to really cover the materials on time. This was not a surprise for me, I already know about this before I came here; though things feel different when you start it. People have always been the main source of motivations for my work and study; unfortunately in this program I am trapped in my desk alone, stuck just with my books and DVDs. Of course there are people studying in the same lab, but they gave you the impression of being unapproachable, they either seem to be haughty or dead. May be I look the same! but I'm not aware of it!

Yet, this was just my first few days, I am sure I will have a different opinion in a couple of weeks…at least I hope so.

Last but not least, about these pictures, which as it's evident weren't captured in a perfect time, no sunset (my favorite moment), or sunrise (my second favorite time); for the reason that it wasn't taken on a planned trip. The story is that last week I had a test. And on the noon and the evening before the test day, I don't usually study. Therefore to loosen up my stretched nerves, and to lighten up the stress, I went out for a walk in the vicinity, and capriciously I wind up taking a bus to its last stop. Of course, completely aware of where it was going -thankfully I still have a sane thinking- and I end up rewarding myself with some free moments of leisure.

That's all for today.
Thank you.
Hope You Have Enjoyed This Walk With Me
.

2009-02-28T23:40:00.000-08:00

STOP

.
Take a deep breath...

.
Listen...

.
Listen carefully...

.
What do you hear?
…
…
…
I hear
The dryer's machine hums.
A car's engine rumbles while it passes in the nearby street.
A tapping steps, most probably of a high heel shoes, a person walking in the passageway underneath my window.
What else?
A sigh from ..."me"
There are some other unrecognizable sounds that I can feel, but it's hard for me to describe in words.
Ah!!!

I almost forgot…The clicking of the keyboard bottons while I am typing these words.

...
So...stop for a moment and tell us or just just keep it for yourself…

What do you hear?

We will not go down

2009-01-11T17:00:00.000-08:00

I didn't plan to post anything about what is going on recently, but I couldn't resist sharing this one.

WE WILL NOT GO DOWN

(Song for Gaza)

(Composed by Michael Heart)

A blinding flash of white light

Lit up the sky over Gaza tonight

People running for cover

Not knowing whether they’re dead or alive

They came with their tanks and their planes

With ravaging fiery flames

And nothing remains

Just a voice rising up in the smoky haze

We will not go down

In the night, without a fight

You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools

But our spirit will never die

We will not go down

In Gaza tonight

Women and children alike

Murdered and massacred night after night

While the so-called leaders of countries afar

Debated on who’s wrong or right

But their powerless words were in vain

And the bombs fell down like acid rain

But through the tears and the blood and the pain

You can still hear that voice through the smoky haze

We will not go down

In the night, without a fight

You can burn up our mosques and our homes and our schools

But our spirit will never die

We will not go down

In Gaza tonight

A morning stroll and my miraculous story

2008-12-19T23:17:00.000-08:00

A squirrel wishing me good morning:

my endless road

my favourite tree at the park

I don't know what they call this in English, but in arabic it is called Za3ror Sanfary زعرور سنفري
Okey, I really don't know what they call this neither in English, nor in Arabic

Snooow !!!

a closer view for my tree

Here is my miraculous story:
I don't know exactly what happened? may be the touch of the snow, the freezing temperature, pelting my friends with snowballs and swinging on the swing at the park, the peaceful morning stroll in the wild nature, being abroad , or may be all these together worked to take my mind back to my ancient childhood ... and whenever those memories pass, it is inevitable for the picture of my favorite friend's face, to pop up on the screen ...

Yes, SEKAB the girl which I talked about her once before, here in this post. At that time I never imagined that after just few months I will write another whole post about her.

I always believed that nothing is impossible in this life, and what happened with me was just another evidence piled up to strengthen this belief.

More than twenty years passed from the last time we were together in Hungary, and since then we never got the chance to be in contact, by any means.
Few days back while I was purposelessly browsing the internet just to distract myself from the boring study, and with all those memories which was triggered by the snow, it suddenly dawned on me to google her name.I tried many possible English spellings for her name, and I ended up with few facebook profiles, and here is the rest of the story :

Enlightened Spirit

December 12 at 8:04pm

I don't know if I am knocking the right door or not, but it worth a try. I have a childhood friend since my days in Hungary her name is Sekab ***** *****. If I am in the right direction, and u r Sekab, I would like to catch up with u. Waiting eagerly for ur answer.I will tell u all my personal information , and will show u pictures if u r really Sekab which I am looking for.Salaam

Sekab:

December 15 at 4:30am

yes its me Sekab **** *****, can u at least give me a name? I had so many friends there so I need to know who r u?

Enlightened Spirit

December 15 at 7:37am

Oh my God , this facaebook is Great I am E**** E******, ur classmate from 2nd grade primary school to the 6th grade primary school, I think we were more than classmate.I wonder if u still remember me :) 22 years passed that is unbelievable, isn't it ?

Sekab
December 19 at 9:22am
ohhhhhhhhhhhh myyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy goddddddddddddddddddd E**** ,the last person i was expecting it to be is u since its been such a long time ,we used to sit on the same bench and ur mom was a teacher and all ur brothers and sisters names starts with the letter (A) in arabic right ???? u were always the first of the class and i used to be the second listen pls stay in touch ,i moved to a new house and i do not have internet connection yet so i might be late with my replys so do not worry ,tell me more about ur self and what r u up to these days?

Those were the messages which we exchanged through facebook in the last few days .
Told you ;)

NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE

Eid Adha Mubarek

2008-12-08T14:42:00.000-08:00

Although in this time of the year and in this particular place of the planet earth, the weather is supposed to be typical northwest cloudy rainy kind of weather, we were blessed that the bashful sun was generous enough to let us enjoy some of her beautiful shiny rays.

This is the place where Eid Aladha prayer was held today's morning at Lynnwood, Washington.

We arrived early and I thought this palce is too big for us, but for my surprise as the time went on the place was overcrowded, and turned to be too small for us, specially the place which was prepared for women, many of them hardly found a place to stand for the prayer.

Thank you for all of you who remebered me in this day by any mean phone call, email, offline messages, facebook or blogger comments, or even if I just passed by in your thoughts .
For you in specific, and for anyone else pass here by chance, accept my warmest greetings
.
Eid Mubark
may the guidence and blessings of Allah always be with you and your family...

No comment, I need yours though!

2008-11-30T23:51:00.000-08:00

I found this on my email tonight:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

كل عام وانتم بخير

Dear Brothers & Sisters:

The Libyan Association of the Northwest announces its عيد ألاضحى gathering اعاده الله علينا بالخير والصحة والسعادة ... please plan on attending our festivities on Saturday, December 13th, 2008.

Location:
******** ******* ******
***** ******* **
*******, *******

Time: 5:30 to 10:00 P.M.

Brother ******* is sponsoring food & beverage in celebration of his marriage to sister ******* , may Allah bless their union... members of the community may bring حلويات عيد (Eid Sweets) to share with everyone.

Entertainment activity is planned for the children

We would like to take this opportunity to invite all of our Libyan brothers/sisters and their spouses in the Northwest to come & celebrate with us. If you know of someone who has no access to e-mail, please consider this note an invite to them as well.

LANW would like to recognize brother ******** ******* for his efforts through the years in support of community activities. We wish him and family all the best as they take up residence on the east coast – God speed.

Our hope is to have a year full of activities for our community, the more members we have ... the more successful our planned activities will be. Please note that such success can only be attained through our combined efforts … it starts with paying membership dues on Saturday Dec. 13th, 2008. Membership fee is a modest amount that has remained the same for a good number of years while facilities rental fees have steadily increased as well as food cost.
For members who have yet to pay, please bring your checkbook along … this is a worthy cause.

The Steering Committee intends to share budget information with all members on a regular basis … that will include; money collected, expenditures, and account balance.

Kindly respond to this note if you are planning to join us so that we may plan better.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I wanna know if I am over sensitive, or Is there something weird in this email which supposed to be an invitation.

English Language

2008-11-20T23:16:00.000-08:00

Ooh! This English language ...

Although I am supposed to be in a pretty good level by now, I still have an embarrassing trouble with articles. I HATE ARTICLES. I use all the tricks to beat this weakness, but it just didn't work. Sometimes it is totally illogic.

My teacher told me, it is all about countable and non-countable nouns, if u master them, the problem of articles will just vanish. Okay man, but how on earth can I master the count and non-count nouns when Food and People are countable, and Evidence and Advice are uncountable :(

Peoples, Foods ... but not Evidences, and Advises!!! Can we count fishes???!!

This whole thing doesn't make any sense to me ...

Any English teacher out there ... HELP!!!

...

Okay enough crazy English, let's move to another happy subject, I'd like to congratulate one of my friends who got engaged lately, and as most of the girls do, she got a little frightened from the whole idea of marriage after her engagement, she is that kind of girl who is full of ambition, and totally dependent on herself, and achieved a lot in her professional life, she is not afraid of losing this, this is not the issue, she is just doubting if she have made the right choice, which is in my opinion is a totally normal feeling. There is no way to know if he is the right choice. Even if the couples had known each other since childhood, there will always be a risk, and the challenge is to take that risk. So be strong my friend and go on. I will take this opportunity and dedicate this song for you my friend, and I invite everybody else let's share this rhythm and enjoy.

Clean wash!

2008-11-10T21:50:00.000-08:00

Miss you all

I post this story today for two reasons (I am trying to apply what they teach us in the pre Toefl class, which is giving reasons for anything ... Oops! so this is the third reason for my post today in addition to the following two), okey the first reason is that I miss hanging the laundry outside to dry on a line ... do u think they are going to sue me if I do it here? Our condominium is on the main street, imagine how I'll be considered a destroyer to the beauty of the neighborhood? Anyway the weather is rainy all the time here, so I am just dreaming.

The second reason is that I want to share the wisdom of this story to reach out for many people, specially my new acquaintances (including the new "me"!), who actually don't read my blog, but never mind , this is just the first step for me to do something, to take the initiaves and write it down, then will teach it for myself and for the others, practically of course, because there is no roles for the words in my life, apart from being written here in this blog.

dear readers enjoy the story:

Clean Wash

A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside."That laundry is not very clean," she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this."The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look.

~Author Unknown~

'Life is a journey..not a destination...'

2008-10-12T22:36:00.000-07:00

I received these pictures by email. I understand that the idea of this kind of emails might be hackneying for some of you, but for me they always act as a source of enlightenment.

also I am right now, and in this particular period of my life, I feel exactly the same like the cute snail in these picturs so I thought it worths sharing .

When someone tells you that you can't do something ...

Look around ...

Consider all options ...

Then go for it !

Use all the things Allah gave you !

Be creative !

In the end, you will succeed and prove them wrong !

Isn't she cute ???!

.
Always remember

...

.
'Nothing is impossible, if your heart is willing'

Eid Mubarek

2008-09-30T23:57:00.000-07:00

Eid Mubarek
Happy Eid for all of you
.
Many things was different in this Ramadan, as it was my first Ramadan on this land.
somethings were harder for me to practice in foreign land which was expected, but others were easier for me to practice here which surprised me !!
One of the things which was very easy to do here compared with what I have in my country is:
Making Baklawa
Yea, it is very easy here ... For me the most difficult part of it is making the thin sheets out of a dough, but I found here that this thin sheets are available ready as a Phyllo dough ( sometimes called Fillo dough ) , and they are of very good quality, I mean the sheets are very thin and are excellent for making baklawa, just open the package and unroll the sheets, then do the rest of the steps, it will take you only 15 mins or less to make a wounderful, unresistable, sweet, crispy Baklawa.

Enjoy Eid and don't eat a lot of Baklawa, it is not good for your health :)

Ramadan Karem

2008-08-31T13:17:00.000-07:00

dear brothers, family, friemds, bloggers, readers , and all the muslim in the world, RAMADAN MUBAREK

for the first time in my life, me with my parent in one side, and my brothers with the rest of the family on the other side, fast on different schedules.

Ramadan started in Libya, but not here in my area in the united states, I know it always happen all around the islamic world, but it has different impact when it touch you closely on your close family level, it feel strange and weird, when I took my breakfast on the morning today, I felt as if I am commiting a sin !!!

the picture show the islamic center in our area.

finding this center has a short story, when we landed here I tried to look for some Masjed in the neighborhood, of course by using the help of my best friend here the internet, more specificlly, google map, and it gave me some adresses and the right buses to take me there, I registered some notes and started looking with my father for some of these adresses, and unfortunately, the google map let me down this time, when I tried the first nearest two addrsses, the Masjed wasn't there, one of them was actually a church ( although I write a mosque or islamic center in my research ), and the other was very small, unidentified unclean masjed, that was a little depressing.

As I told you before I used the google map from the first few days, to look for everything, and succeded to reach all the places, coz there is good public transportation in this city, with buses you can reach where ever you want.

Till today I didn't use Taxi at all, and didn't get lost, not yet, sure it will happen , but not yet.

back to my point, with google map, and the use of bus when it is needed, I reached the grocery store, the bank, the university, and nearly every where from the first try, but to the Masjed, I failed in my first try, but then I contacted a cyber friend (KA ) here in the state, and he was kind enough to direct me to this islamic center which appear in the picture (which was taken by my mobile cam), and so my second try was successful, and we found ourselves in one of the biggest islamic center in the area , I felt so proud to see this clear islamic symbol on this land, thank you KA.

that was in my first 10 days, then when I started school, I met some Libyan student, and discovered another islamic center, which will be more near to our new place, which we will move to by the middle of September.

That was my story, for ramadan first, till next time, take care, and

Ramadan Karem

scratches about my trip.

2008-08-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

ahhhhh ... finally I am updating, I always wanted to update, but I don't know, I think there is no baraka in time here at all !!!

many funny things happen to anyone who travel to a new place for the first time, I will share some of mine here in this post and in the upcoming posts, but hay people don't make fun of me, I am sure everyone have his share.

Our trip was fine, I was afraid that troubles will arise coz I used the KLM airline, but luckily everything went smooth, and even I can say perfect, we had transit at Amsterdam, and we spent one night in the airport, at a Hotel, which was actualy a luxury stay.

the airport is huge and very well organized, and unexpectedly I didn't got lost in it, I used to get lost in huge places,there were signs every where to direct you.
when I get off the first plane to Schiphol airport, I noticed that most the passengers was heading to fine touch screens, and doing something on the screen, and then leave it, I wondered what they are doing, but I didn't give that much attention, my target was to find the Hotel, coz the reservation we made will be cancelled within an hour, and after I found it, we put our luggage, and went out to discover the place, and I approached that screen, I start to follow the instructions and end up chosing a seat in the next plane, and of course the best seats was already taken, it is good that I could find three seats next to each other, so we will not be scattered in the next long flight, WHY NO BODY TOLD ME ABOUT THIS, THEN I AM A GOOD READED, WHY THAT WASN'T MENTIONED ON THE KLM WEBSITE ??? but Allah was there for me, & inspired me to check the screen out of curiosity, in the right time.

I couldn't imagine that, we would have been in scattered seats if I had not approached that fine touch computer screen in the right time.

the long flight went smooth, I enjoyed the collection of the movies, the music and the games on the private screen , I didn't finish the story I borrowed from my deary missclass, didn't have enough time to finish it actually.

I had some good naps, the food choices was okey, the service in general was nice, and we landed safely.

we finished with the officer at the port of entry, which took some time, but not too long, the officer was funny, he was kind of in hurry coz we landed at lunch time, but he treated us well.

after we finish we collect our luggage ( which was in perfect condition, and nothing lost, although they weren't locked, as the rule prevent us from locking it as we are travelling to the united state ) and we entered the state , I thought it will so bad coz no one is actually waiting for us there, I do have some friends there but they are not close one , then I didn't want to bother anyone, and tried my best from Libya home to make it easier, therfore I had reserved a place at a hotel, and reserved even the car which will take us to the hotel, it is a kind of Taxi but not the regular Taxi, it is a shared ride van from the Shuttle express, I recommend it for any one want a ride, to or from the airport in the united state ( don't know if it is available in all the states ) ,and things went as I arranged, we find the van waiting for us, and it took us to our hotel, and things wasn't bad at all, the other thing which I though will happen , but it didn't is the cultural shock, there was no cultural shock, or there might be one, but in a reverse way, will try to talk about that in my upcoming posts.

just one more thing before I leave, I would like to mention that all those arrangment were accomplished with the help of one new friend of mine, who I want to introduce for all of you.

THE INTERNET

"he" is my closest friend these days, without him I would have definitely get lost.

Hiiiiiii from the Pacific Ocean !!!

2008-08-13T22:14:00.000-07:00

.
My head still connected to my trunk!!!
and I can freely move my limbs...
still able to hear the birds...
easily watch my parents...
softly touch the roses...
and smell the breezes...
I am here to announce:
I arrived here safely
and
my soul still imprisoned in my body!!!

elhamdoAllah
p.s.: the pictur is fresh, I just captured it few minutes back.

Thank you my friends

2008-07-28T01:30:00.000-07:00

My departure was supposed to be yesterday !!! but for reasons out of my hands plans were postponed for another few days, Omy (my mom) says kol taa7'era , feha 7'era.

well, well, well, yes I was disappointed, but part of me was secretly happy coz I will have some more few days at home.

okey what bring me to blog in these busy days is to share with u the fun of one memorial day arranged by my dearest friends.
We went out for lunch, in fact I am a homy kind of person, and don't usually go out with the Girls, but this time with all the passion of leaving, I decided to accept the invitation, and really didn't regret it for even a second later.
the plan was that one of my dearest friends (miss class), will come to pick me up from my home, and we will pass by the hospital to wait for the others after they finish work, then we will go all together in two cars, to pick up another friend from her home.
the waiting at the hospital parking took longer than we expected, it was already 3:00 pm, and the girls didn't show up, so Miss class held her phone and started dialing their numbers to hurry them up, and here it was my funny shock...

her phone was supported with a pin to press the buttons!!!

when did she own that high tech mobile phone!!!?

I shouted at her why didn't u tell me u will buy this phone, u know I am the techy girl and you should had my opnion !!!
. .

take a closer look

. . and I though I am the one who cann't give up things.
she own a good car, and Versace sun glass, and this poor mobile ( she hold them together for her pride coz I told her I will blog about her mobile), I couldn't believe that her phone was actually still working, till I heard her talking to the girls through it.
after that we went all together to pick up our last friend and we head to the nearest photoshoper to take a picture together
. .
.

then to the main destination, as all of us were starving, the Chinese resturant
.

we thought we will go out of the resturant hungry, coz we weren't familiar with it's service and first time we try it, and for me actually the first time I try chinese food.
the hardest jop was to chose from the menu, we make the waitress suffer, but it was really her problem coz she didn't understand neither English nor Arabic, how can we help that.
.

.Each time we ask her about something in the menu, she open her mouth and stretch her hands for a moment as if she is going to explain it, then she hurry to the kitchen, and quickly comeback with a big smile on her face, and small dish in her hands, with the raw ingredient on it !!! ... the poor waitress ... but we didn't want to waste our money, we had to ask before ordering things , it was really a total fun..
but the good thing that the food was great

and delicious

a hopeless try with the sticks.

.and of course we didn't forget the sweets in another place near the chinese resturant

we couldn't believe that we still had a place for it, we rock all the diet rules
..

it was great fun, but every good thing has an end,

and the end was with a surprise gifts

Thank u my friends, that was really a perfect memorail day,and the two of you who couldn't make it, you were missed...

Can I make it ???

2008-07-16T07:01:00.000-07:00

The counting down started.

I supposed to start packing my luggage,

but I am afraid that I might cancel everything.

My room flooded with tears of fear and worry.

plz any body pass by these words , ur prayers are urgently reqired.

Can I really do this hard step ???

What am I doing ???

Did I lost my mind ???

---------------------------------

the following was an sms from a friend, the sms helped me much in my hard times, I want to copy it here for myself, just in case if I went too down one day, it might help me up again :

كل منا قد استخار

والله سألنا أن يختار

وهو يعلم مكان الخير لكل واحدة منا !

فلنمضي فيما سهله الله لنا

وعليه فلنتوكل

ولنعلم أن طلب العلم كالجهاد وهو يشق على الأنفس

غير أن موعده الجنة

ولاتنال الجنة بالتمنى!

وقد اخترنا من بين الملايين لهذه المهمة

فلن نخاف ومعنا الله!

فهو حسبنا ومسهل أمورنا !

فعسى أن يجمعنا برحمته عنده في الجنة !!

Ameeen ya Fatema, thank u so much for these words

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

We were four girls going to the state for postgraduate study from our paediatric department, we all got the Visa and we were going to two different states, two in each, but we end up by only me going there, because of long stories, hope I will have the time one day to write about it.

now am I going to finish the road ???

Allah, the only one who know.

du3a people don't forget to make du3a for me.

---------------------------------------------

benghazi citizen, Akrm, Asma, Leebeya, Abdallah, and any one else asked for an update here it is.

sorry ibeebarbie and any other reader who can't read arabic,.

Libyano be happy, my brothers will irta7 meni soon

Giving up !!!

2008-06-08T00:49:00.000-07:00

Why we humans find it so hard to gave up on things?
and that sometimes didn't apply only on "things " but extend to our relations with people.
N.B.: don't wonder about the relation of Sony Erricson mobile phone picture with the following bla bla bla, just continue reading and find out !!!
since my childhood as I guess most of you had have experienced friends separation, due to many causes, the most common cause for me was moving from one place to another.
and that kind of separation affected me deeply, I still remeber my chilhood best friend her name was SEKAB she was from Alsham, her parent were mixed arab one from Palestine and the other from Lebanon, or Jordan, I don't know exactly coz u know in childhood these origins doesn't matter at all, and still doesn't matter to me in my adulthood.
we spent our 1st six years of primary school together, it was only six years and my heart still sqeezing when I remeber the day when we had to leave our place to come back to Libya home for the last time, the separation was so painful, all the excitment of coming home couldn't sooth it, never met with her again ever since.
That even though was a normal life experience, but unfortunately it affected my all friendship later on, in fact I get along with people very easily, but have friends very scarcely, not because there is not much enough good people around, there are many, but I have that ever lasting fear of separation which keep pooping up his face in front of me.
but I realized later that having few friends is more worse coz ur loyality will be bigger and the relation will be deeper and having one of those few friends lost is a catastrophy, and it happened to me again about 4 years back, a cherished friend moved away!!!
but we survive at the end, that is the life.
what brought all this up is that I am still having, from time to time, that feeling of buzzeled scared soul, while I am waiting for the never ending process of my paper work to finish.
and reach the catastrophic moment of separation, and this time not from friends only but from brothers, relatives, friends, colleagues, a life !!!
Am I exaggerating ? it might be an exaggeration , but writing that makes me better.
back to my mobile, which was the main trigger for all this post, it was a good friend for more than five years , and never let me down, even now when I finally gave up and agree to change it, the problem was not because it bothered me, but because it started to bother my phone callers (is it right to say phone caller in English ?) in the last month, who had suffered an agony while trying to recognize my voice through a weired jamming sound, although I was hearing them clearly, what a loyal phone !!!
my Mom with my dear brother who were trying to help me geting over the love and loyality to my mobile phone, were really so brilliant to bring a phone which is very similar in it's shape and colors to my previous one and of course a Sony Erricson, and present it to me as a birth day gift yesterday, yes it was my day :)
which is might ( might in english reflect just a small possibility) be and only might be the real source of all this doom.
and yes my friends I feel much better now :) writing is always work for me.
.
this is my new toy:

Aseeda for you !

2008-05-15T14:25:00.000-07:00

I would like to thank you all, for your lovely words of congratulation for my first baby niece ( no name yet ! ) , and because I am too generous that I think words are not enough to show my thankfulness, so I decided to serve you the picture of this traditional sweet delicious dish which we use to serve in these occasions for our congratulators.

it is the usual Asseda, sure all of you know, but just garnished in a slightly different way.

I would prefer it with butter and honey, instead of olive oil and rub (rub is a syrup extracted from dates).

I will be grateful if every one of you let me know how he/she would prefer it, so I can serve you well.
and if there are other ways to serve it apart from the two I mentioned, I would like to know it.

thanx in advance

Officially an aunt :)

2008-05-11T01:35:00.000-07:00

اسبح واسبح واسبح

في محيط دافئ

هادئ

ملأه الحب

لا أعرف منذ متى ولم يكن يهمني أن أعرف

إلى أن جاء يوم استيقظت فوجدت كل ماحولى يتقلص

يا إلهي ماذا يحدث؟

شئ ما يدفعني الى حيث لاأدري

لم يكن لي خيار إلاٌ أن اتشبث وبقوة

آااه لكن التقلصات تزداد

دقات قلبي تتسارع

اشعر بالاختناق

ولكني سأستمر

سأقاوم

حتى آخر نبض لي

لن أسمح لهم بطردي من ملاذي

فجأة

توقف كل شئ

لم أصدق

لقد فعلتها

نعم

لقد أثمرت مقاومتى

عاد كل شئ كما كان

الهدوء

السكون

ورقصت رقصة الفرح

لكن لحظات فرحي لم تدم طويلا

فما أن التقطت أنفاسي

حتى باغتني نصل حاد واخترق جدار ملاذي الجميل ومزقه

تسرب محيطي المائي من الثقب

انتشر ضؤ أزرق ساطع

اجتاحتني موجة صقيع

ففررت الى ركن قصي

ولكن لم يجدي فراري نفعاً

فلم يعد المحيط مناسبا لي

دقات قلبي تتباطأ

هل هي حقا النهاية؟

أم هي البداية؟؟؟

فجأة انتشلتني يد قوية

صقيع

ضوء

ضجيج

صرخت بما تبقى لي من قوة

معترضة

واء... واء... واء...

وعاد قلبي ينبض من جديد

May 10th at 11:30 am

was the date of birth of my first niece

who made me an aunt for the first time, wow, what a great feeling, she was delivered by cesarean section 10 days after her expected date of delivery, and after failed medical induction of normal childbirth.

this cute baby girl was really refusing to come out to our world

what a stubborn girl !!!

from where do you think she inherited her stubborn nature?

Is it from her aunt :)

elhamdoallah ... my sister-in-law and my niece come out safely from this 9 months and 10 days journey.

Airplane, Depart, Plan !

2008-04-20T09:40:00.000-07:00

I will depart tomorow from Libya ( home ) for few days, full of hope and expectations, both good and bad.

I believe whatever happen is the best, even if I couldn't see it as the best for the time being ( I keep repeating this to myself ).

I made du3aa, and I believe that Allah will make the best for me, and will make me able to accept whatever happens.

NEED YOUR DU3AA TOO :)

My morning visitor !!!

2008-04-08T09:24:00.000-07:00

Today's morning, as the sun was shining and it was too hot, so I decided to invest the best of solar energy available, by using our solar powered laundry dryer.

for all who are not familiar with this kind of dryer, I would like to intoduce it for you.
This dryer is the cheapest and the safest for the environment of all kind of laundry dryer machines available on the market, I can bet on this, and the instructions for using it, is so uncomplicated.
It simply consist of a rope or thread called the clothline, dangled highly between two objects in the outside yard, and then the wet clothes is hanged on this line and fixed with pins, cloth pins.
It is as simple as that, and I guarantee you nothing can smell like clothes dried with the direct heat from the sun, and the drying power of warm breezes!!!
Anyway what I am trying to tell here is, when I get out to invest the solar energy and hang our laundry I met my morning visitor, he was hanging there on the clothline waiting for my camera!!!

look at him

lovely chameleon

here when he started his acrobat show

when he finished he was just leaving, but I did't get enough, so I asked him to stay

but he get angry and shouted at me

I was afraid so I just said :( okey thank you for the show, see u next time,bye bye big guy

don't blame me for this pcts if u hate Bukeshash( chameleon) , coz I am fascinated about dinosaurs and that is the best similar creature to them at my era, and in my area :)

My dear sisters be like Bohessa !!!

2008-04-04T10:55:00.000-07:00

As you all read in my last post about my agony to get a specific paper from one of our administrative sector, and the good news is that: I got it ... at last.

And as part of my continuous paradox show which I used to watch in the path of my life, here it comes the nice part of the show, which shaded away all the last agony.

I needed that specific paper for study application in a center located in the north west part of the globe, yes I am heading to the state, and what I want to say is that it takes me only two phone calls and one email to get my application done, and the papers have been packaged and sent back to me through the DHL service, and I am tracking it right now through the net, how exciting !!!.

It is terrific how the system there makes human life easier, yes the grass is always more green on the other side, I felt that today, but I wasn't glad because I want it to be green here, in my hometown, under my feet.

Now let me move on to the main reason to blog today ,which is to share with you my crush on this man, it is not a new crush , but it seems that the extra time which I have from some few days off from my work gave me the opportunity to follow some of my hobbies which is net surfing , and one of my friends on facebook has added him so she brought him back to my attention.

Sheikh Hamza Yusuf how great is this man, just watch the video and you will understand the title of my post, if any one interested in the whole talk , you can find it in youtube , or in facebook here enjoy :)

I should go to California as he is living there :)

It is just a diary!

2008-03-16T13:13:00.000-07:00

Warning: for those who don't like to read personal issue, don't waste your time on this, it is very personal, and in some how silly.
.
Long time ago I discovered that our administrative system is suck, but today I discovered that it suck suck suck suck and suck.
really depressive ...
how slowly things are running is ok with me, I get used to it, but my documents to be lost twice that is unbearable, to wait for one paper ,(which actually can be done within few minutes), for a whole month then the employer telling me in complete dullness: sorry your documents are lost you have to bring another copies.
I think I should have a Nobel Prize of peace, for being patient with the employer, and receiving his sorry statement with Crest extra whitening smile, I really don't know how I kept myself calm, may be coz I have no other choice.
Ok that is one of my down, and don't want to talk much about it, just want to mention that the paper is very important to me, and I really had the desire to punch that man in his face if I could.
I think this is one of the reasons which kill Libyan youth from inside, coz while I was calm and smiling, felt something inside me tearing; do you think our administrative system will ever improve??? I believe it will, but till then if any one has any advice how to overcome this inefficiency apart from using crest smile and patience technique, don't hesitate to give it.

.
Trying to overcome this depressive event in my day, I took a ride through Tripoli roads at sunset time, my brother and his wife accompanied me, and he was the driver, when I do this kind of trips I try to look after the routine views in our daily life and lighten it, to lift up my spirit.
I wanted to share with you some of these views which really lifted me up:
.

.The first one was for a white Toyota car, which was driving around and on both sides of it was written in a green bold letters الا أنت يارسول الله ( Except you the prophet of Allah ), the car's view touched me deeply, it is a way of smart silent remonstration.
.
.The second one was for a disabled girl in her wheelchair with her mom pushing the chair in Alsaha alkhadra (Green Square), the excitement look over the girl's face was amazing, how an ordinary stroll can brighten up this girl's life.
.
.The third view was in front of one of the toy's shop, and there were an over crowed of cars, and while we was trying to pass the traffic jam, a young girl, I hardly give her 7 or 8 years old, asked my brother to stop the car using her hand, and he stop it, we thought she was trying to cross the road, and for our surprise she was signing for another little girl in the opposite side of the road encouraging her to cross the road as we stopped, we really fall in laugh and excitement from her move, this young girl was really brave to stop a car for her girlfriend to pass, a friendship in it's delightful sight.

thank you for being patient and finished reading this long post , and now I have another battle to fight tomorrow at work, I have to have a rest, good night, and don't forget to leave a comment :)

Refreshing Breath Of Spring !

2008-03-01T14:11:00.000-08:00

Today I decided to take a day off from my life !!!

I left all my work , and all my study.

I left all my routine.

I left all the negative passing to me through aljazeera news.

I left it all behind my back ,

and headed to mother earth, to recharge my energy and restore my soul.

I embraced the colors of wild spring.

I would be pleased if you share the views with me.

Just click here for the pictures with my comments, and here for the slide show.

Update inspired by Gheriani's comment :)

Can u guess in which city in Libya these pictures was captured ?

My Ups & Downs !

2008-02-17T13:21:00.001-08:00

The last two weeks were too overcrowded with many ups and downs, but elhamdoAllah I could survive at last, I will not write about the downs as there is no one likes the down, is there any one?

Well well well, yes it is my English language certificate, I finished the first semester and passed to the next, with grade A ... loool loool loool, we finished in last January,but we got it only at last week ... I am not sure that I will be able to finish all the semesters, but I will continue as long as the circumstances allow me.

Another achievement is that I finally got the will to start my study for USMLE step I, my start is too late, coz I always have a shortage of time ( work, english class, etc..) but as the wise man said "better late than never",I will try to reorganize my time to have more spare hours for study, hope this study will fructify something in the near future.

And lastly another good news, for all of u who care about the cuttie Boody ( Abdallah ), it seems that he is going to have a family, not so sure if they will be able to qualify for the adoption , still the process of papers is going on, hope they could have him at last coz they are really nice, I will up date u later if anything new happened .

Pray for him and for me :)

fe aman Allah

Thank you notice!

2008-02-10T09:43:00.000-08:00

cheished friend

Anonymous

hatem

and any other friend or visitor who just passed by :

THANK YOU

Your words were more than appreciated, it worked like candlelights in my darkness .

I would like to announce for those who are concerned, that I have made some decisions at last, and I was relieved, I see it as the right decisions for me right now, don't know if it will continue to feel so all the way long, but sometimes to take a decision and chose a path, is better than standing still in the crossroad may be for years, thinking and wondering where you should go?, even after some time you figure out that it was the wrong path, you will always be able to go back and change it, and it will not be a wasted time because you should had learned through the journey.

Hah it seems that I am looking today through the full half of the glass , hope I will stay like this for long...

winter blue's scribbles!

2008-01-26T14:35:00.000-08:00

from my scribbles to a cherished friend after little corrections to keep some privacy :)

I am totally confused, and wish u call, and if u please do not just read and frown.

Should I blog about this, or should I keep it for my own.

Should I counsel a friend, or just think alone.

Should I go overseas to advance in my carrier, or stay here buried as unknown.

And if I went … should I continue in my field, or should I change it and make my past experience blown.

And before I go, should I enter the golden cage, or should I remain alone.

Lacking of sleep, lacking of desire, lacking my spirit being high as a flaming fire...

Should I quit my job to organize my messy life, or should I stay.

I think the best thing to do now is, to read some Quran and pray.

Praise ALLAH almighty and ask him to light up my way .

Get well soon teacher !

2008-01-03T12:57:00.000-08:00

The hard job which was exhausting me, finished today, cheers !!!

It was the last day for the 5th year pediatrics clinical exam, I will write out a short idea how the exam is running, each day there are 60 candidates (5th year medical students) , each candidate have to be examined by 4 committees, in each of the 3 committees there is a baby or a child to be medically examined by the 5th year medical student, in front of two examiners who will discuss the case with him, then they evaluate and put his mark, and the 4th committee is an oral exam; to prepare all these committees, with the babies and children to be examined, we have to arrive to the hospital at 7:15 to 7:30 am, with two of my colleagues, we are the coordinators, over the tutors, who will organize these committees.

I wake up before dawn, wash, take my breakfast, and just immediately after alfajer, I got dressed, and hurry up to the hospital, we finish every day around 3:00 p.m.
That continued for 9 days, every day I back home, with every single muscle cell in my legs and feet ,crying eagerly for rest, and my head is throbbing like a drum, I say to myself, tomorrow will be another similar day, so get some rest deary, or u will be done, so I eat, pray, and sleep like a child...

While all this is running, I have to catch up my English classes , and I do attend them, but with less energy, today as usual we finished the exam at 3:00 p.m., and my English class start today at 2:00 p.m., I decided that I will join the class after the break coz we usually take two different subjects, one before and the other after the break, I am that kind of student, who try as much as she can to not miss any thing ,so we hurry up, me and a friend of mine, using her car, breaking through the traffic jam, to reach there at the time of the break, we luckily found a park quickly, speeded to the building, took the stair up to the classes, she joined her class, and I proceeded to my class to find it ...

da .. da .. da .. daaa ...

surprisingly empty, first thing passed my mind, they are in a break , but as I was proceeding forward to the board, there it was written in a big letters:

Ivan (the teacher) is unwell today, and he will be absent ...

so every body already passed by, and left...

I paused, thought for a moment, then I smiled , took the color pen , and wrote on the board, wish you get well soon, and draw a smily face beside it, with excitement I turned back home , home sweet home I am coming , and tomorrow is the weekend, so an endless sleep is waiting for me.

2008

2007-12-31T12:54:00.000-08:00

I experience very hard ending for 2007, many crucial and fateful decisions, I have to make, which will design and define my near and far future, in the presence of very stressful and squeezing work atmosphere.

but it is really true, that in these hard times, you know exactly, who you really are, and what is the extreme of your
capabilities, and in these times you could easily point out, peoples who really care about you ...
Luckily in spite of all this, I could find some time off, to say for all of you :)

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Eid adha mubarak ...

2007-12-18T13:45:00.000-08:00

How many rams do we have for al3eed???
Count them in the picture and tell me...
I used to survive al3eed hardly with two rams, I don't know if I could survive it this year with ........rams.
Yes, my family grew bigger, and we have many new members, for this reason rams number is increasing.

HAPPY EID ADHA FOR ALL OF YOU

Update of Eid's day...!!!

BLOOD, BLOOD, BLOOD..

every where...

MEAT, MEAT, MEAT..

every where...

I'm drowning heeeeeeelp...

A screaming out !!!!

2007-12-12T07:39:00.000-08:00

Today my peaceful mind got smashed out at work, our job is already hard and overwhelming, and the last thing we would ever need is this extra load of stress.

Here is the story, today's morning one police man came to my place of work, and asked a colleague of mine to go with him, he said there is a complaint against her, and she has to go with him, the beginning was few days back, when one sick baby boy died, during a major medical critical procedure, which was done in an attempt to save his life, to make the picture clearer, I have to mention that, death is a well known complication, for this life saving emergency procedure, the problem here is that, his parent couldn't accept this fact, and they want to accuse some body for their baby's lose.

I am not going to blame the parents here, and I am not going to discuss if they have the right to sue that doctor or not, and I am not going to defend my colleague, and try to convince you that she do her best to keep that baby alive.

I am here just to shout, to yell, to scream out: WAKE UP PEOPLE THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT WAY !!!

If every patient die, his family would make a complaint against the doctor who was on charge of him, in the nearest police department, and the police man came to arrests that doctor, we will definitely end up with empty hospitals.

There is a part of the Libyan law deal with these kind of cases, and any doctor accused, there is a respectful way to call him, and to investigate the suit with a scientific means, in the presence of consultants , who analyze the situation and with the judge, they can decide, if the suspected doctor was charged or not, I don't know why it is not applied in every case.

Our job is very critical, we deal with death on daily bases, and to be blamed for every single loss, and to be called as any criminal, (the difference is just they don't put a handcuffs in our hands), that will be an extra unbearable load at work atmosphere, and more than devastation to the doctor's spirit.

There should be a law, which can protect a doctor from being called to court in this unrespectful way, because he was doing his job, aiming to heal people, and save their lives and not attempting to kill them, then if they found he was accused, because of mistakes, ignorance, neglect or anything, justice will take place in the right way, and not the other way around; he is innocent till proved otherwise because that is the essence of his job.

By the way that wasn't the first time, for this to happen in my work field; and thanks for Allah it doesn't happen to me till now; but it seems that my threshold to tolerate these situations has reached its limit.

wo0O0ow

2007-12-03T14:00:00.000-08:00

I don't know if you have seen this video or not, but when I watched it today I couldn't help not to share it with you.

It's just a wo0O0ow...

How human can be such creative.

a welcome

2007-12-01T10:16:00.000-08:00

TMC gathering

Salaam dear friends and visitors I will be grateful if you welcome with me one of my cherished friends to the blog sphere, she is a regular visitor of all your blogs, but she needed a lot of courage to step forward to the blogsphere and create her own, she is shy and easily embarrassed ... lolz... so help me to support and shore up her ...

welcome deary our hands are outstretched to receive your pearls...

click here to welcome her

http://tmc-gathering.blogspot.com/

Do you have a sleeplessness ???

2007-11-28T10:52:00.000-08:00

An advice for all those who have a problem with sleep: STUDY MEDICINE.

It is amazing how these books can bring sleep , it was always a challenge for me to continue my study and keep my eyes and brain open and not to fall asleep , medical books have a magic power which could turn my brain off , so if you have any sleeping troubles I recommend these books.

Really I am known as a good reader , but when it comes to reading medical books I am a big lazy slacker person, you can easily imagine how relieving was my graduation , I am not going to say that I didn't study medicine since then , because that will be a big lie , but it wasn't a hard tough study , just some revision for specific topics, that is all...

And now it seems that those ugly days are coming back , to proceed in my career I need to continue my study abroad , and for that I have to prepare myself perfectly well, and here I am studying again.

Fortunately this time I start to study English not medicine, as a preparation to study medicine later , I applied to a language course run by the British council here in Libya, it sounded interesting at the start , our teacher is great he is a native speaker , my classmates are nice ,we study 6 to 9 hrs per week the main days are Tuesdays and Thursdays , I was active energetic at the beginning, get my homework done the day I receive it , but as the lessons progress it becomes harder , we sink deeper and deeper in the academic language , and that is really booooooooring ,,, and hellllllo... that big lazy slacker person in me woke up , last Thursday we got a writing task and it supposed to be ready and handed over to the teacher yesterday , and happily I didn't finish it till today and I will hand it over tomorrow, just imagine five days wasn't enough for me, what a shame, and I am good in finding excuses ( it was heavy week at work teacher , a lot of day and night shifts ...and the good voice in me shouting liar , liar, you didn't cover any duties neither a day nor a night shifts this week ) .

Today afternoon unfortunately found myself sleeping over my English book for the first time hope it is the last, so may be it is not really related to studying medicine, but to the Academic study in general , but I still insist the medical book rank number one for attracting sleep to me ... when ever I got insomnia (sleeplessness ) , I catch a book from my library and .. Hooops ... I dive into a peaceful ocean of sleeeeep...

So what is number one in your rank ?

SPARKLING LIGHT !!!

2007-11-21T08:55:00.000-08:00

I have a problem, I AM SPARKLING LIGHT.

Today's when I woke up and turned my bed room chandelier on, the last alive light bulb in it blow out, my bed room light bulbs have the shortest life span ever at our home ... Ooh ! no my bathroom light bulb has a shorter life span, and if a light bulb any where at home found to be blown up I will be the first one accused ( and really isn't me :( !!).. There were times during my childhood when this reached the level made my mom take a few moments with me, to teach me how should I behave when I want to turn on the light, she said don't rush or dash just stand calm take deep breath and then turn the light on ... and it has really worked for us and our light bulbs lived longer since then ...

But whenever winter arrives I start to suffer again from my electricity , I couldn't count how many times I saw the sparkling light around me when it is dark and I am moving around or under the blanket, and on daily basis I get a shock every morning when I get in touch with the metallic water tap at the bathroom or with the doorknobs, not to mention the shocks I get when I hit other people's body around at work accidentally , and even shock them sometimes but fortunately it is more often me who get shocked not them whenever touched so it is less likely for them to look askance at me and mumble what a freak ...

So to what extent do you experience this phenomenon ???

Share me your stories if you have any :0)

I am not a fan of winter season ...

2007-11-13T11:14:00.000-08:00

I wrote this long time before and I find it today worth sharing

خواطر من وحي الصقع

عندما يشتد الشتاء ... وتغزر الامطار ... عندما تتحول قطرة الماء من شدة البرد الى تبروري قبل أن تلمس الأرض ... عندما يكثف الغمام ويسود الأفق ... عندما يضربك الكسل وتنام ناسيا تسكير روشن دارك...و تستيقظ في جوف الليل مرتعشا لتكتشف أن البطانية قد تزحلقت عن جسدك...عندما تنهض في الصباح الباكر لتدوش فتكتشف أنه لا يوجد الا الماء البارد (ماهو الضئ كان هارب في الليل مافيش امية سخونة ) ... عندما تستلقي بجانب الدفاية متلحفا بالبطانية مستمتعا بدفئها فيقض مضجعك رنين جرس الباب ولا يوجد أحد غيرك في الحوش ليفتحه ... عندما يزيد الكونجشن مع ازدياد الزمهريري ويتسكر الخشم...عندما يكثر العطس ... وعندما يزيد الكح .. فتذهب الى الصيدلية مستنجدا فتجدها مسكرة ( ماهو مؤتمرات ) ...عندها ... وعندها فقط ...تخطرين على بالي يـــــــــا

زكمة

a sweet movie I recommend..

2007-11-11T13:47:00.000-08:00

Griffin & Phoenix

Griffin is divorced, living in a flat in Manhattan while his sons and ex live in the family home in Westchester. He gets bad news from his oncologist: cancerous lesions have spread through his chest, and he has only a year or so to live, He audits a psychology class on death and dying at a nearby college where he chats up a woman , She's Phoenix; she smiles but keeps her distance, warming to him slowly, he tells her nothing of his situation, they start having fun together, The pair partner up to do all the crazy things Griffin always wanted to do: sneak into movies, hop railroad cars, and fall deeply in love, But Phoenix has a secret, she is also have a terminal illness , the most perfect part of the movie when the truth blow up barely in front of them ... And so begins a last minute chance for them both to discover all that life can be, however long there is left.
Look for it watch, enjoy, and tell me your opinion..